How To: Find A Job


So recently I have been on the hunt for a summer job. Over the course of a week my spirits have gone from: must get an amazing job with great discounts; to: must find anyone willing to hire me. Yeah it has been a great experience for many reasons: lowered self esteem, stress headaches, having to do laundry to dress in something other than sweatpants. (should I add that to my resume??) Anyways I figured I would share my fool-proof ways to land a job.

1. As previously stated, wear something other than sweatpants to apply for jobs.

2. Have AT LEAST 3 years of experience in every field of work because apparently 3 years is the point when you are hirable (not a word, making it a word)


3. Smile through the pain of the store manager saying that they will call you if you fit. And they never call.


4. Think of back up plans to having a job. For instance: Could I make it as a stripper? (The answer is a hard no.)


5. Question how much longer you can live off the money your parents gave you.


6. Desperately hand out your resume to passer-bys. Who knows, maybe one will be a manager with a position to fill.


7. Debate going back to the summer job you had last year.


8. Cry.


9. Nap.


10. Repeat.

And yes. The solution to all of my problems is nap. Sue me.

*all of this information is irrelevant because I still haven’t been able to get a job.


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