Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! I know that today brings a lot of family interacting, you get to see all the people you only see once a year at these holiday gatherings… So I figured while I am sitting in the lull between opening gifts and going to see family I would share a few of my ways to survive Christmas Day.

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1. What to do if you receive a gift from someone you didn’t buy something for:
Explain how poor you are, because who needs dignity. (e.g. “Sam, I am sorry but I have no job and I am a student, be happy you arn’t receiving ramen noodles or half used stamp cards, merry Christmas!”)

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2. When you are asked if you are in a
relationship:
Cry and say your significant other is too busy doing charity work to be with you over the holidays. Or if you are more adventurous, make up different stories for John Doe every time you are asked about him.

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3. Photos:
The most dreaded part of Christmas morning… This is for you dad! When you wake up and you look like shit and all your family members want to do is snap photos of you, the solution is simple. Get your hand right up to the camera and do some kind of symbol, that way the camera focuses on your hand and not your face. ~problem solved~

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4. Weird family members:
Let’s be real here, everyone thinks their family is crazy, so when you encounter said family members, you can run away or you can man up and be crazier then them. E.g. I have a few crazy relatives (just a few) and when interacting with them, the goal is to be more annoying and ostentatious then they are.

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5. Post turkey nap:
My philosophy is to have a space that is mine, and if you defend it right you will have the perfect place to nap/ escape #4 when things get out of hand. E.g. When I arrive at my grandma’s house, I immediately claim a couch in her basement as my own, fortunately, my only competitors are under the age of 7, so they arnt hard to defend from.

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6. Receiving ill-fitting clothing:
I know this may seem like it is not a big deal, and maybe it is just me but I swear it is tradition that I receive at least one piece of clothing a year that is super tight, made for an 80-year-old or made waaaay too big. The solution to this is easy, it is sometimes hard, but you just have to accept these with an open heart. Try to remember that your family cares about you and this was not done to spite you, but keep your eyes on that gift receipt because that is your ticket to happiness. You’re welcome.

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So on that note, may the odds be ever in your favour!

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